It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
