Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
