I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
