Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Boobs speak an international language.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
