so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
