Umm I'm too high to move.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
