just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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