birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
