On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
