I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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