Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
