i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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