Soap is not a condiment
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
