I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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