I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
