well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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