I wish I only lived at night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
