part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
