bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
