i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
