You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
