I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
