I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
