lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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