So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
