You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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