last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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