why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
