Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
