Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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