Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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