I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
