So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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