Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
