yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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