I have demons in me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
