it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
