how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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