it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
