the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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