I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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