he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
