we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
