Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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