K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
