just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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