there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
