Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
