So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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