We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
