its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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