Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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