Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
