Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
