He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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