So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
