this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
